<!DOCTYPE html>
<html>
<head>
<meta charset="UTF-8">
<title>Perfectly Cast by Donsular</title>
<style type="text/css">

body { background-color: #ffffff; }
.CI {
text-align:center;
margin-top:0px;
margin-bottom:0px;
padding:0px;
}
.center   {text-align: center;}
.cover    {text-align: center;}
.full     {width: 100%; }
.quarter  {width: 25%; }
.smcap    {font-variant: small-caps;}
.u        {text-decoration: underline;}
.bold     {font-weight: bold;}
</style>
</head>
<body>
<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/23360482">Perfectly Cast</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Donsular/pseuds/Donsular'>Donsular</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Mary Poppins (Movies)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alcohol, Even Mary isn’t perfect, Gen, I hope it’s still legible, I wrote in the cockney accent, Leeries - Freeform, new identity</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-03-28</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-04-25</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-01 11:00:53</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>5</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>14,672</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/23360482</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Donsular/pseuds/Donsular</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Neither of them thought their night would end in such a way. And Jack certainly never expected to be doubting the entire friendship. But when two people come from such different backgrounds, there’s bound to be trouble at some point.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>4</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>30</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Roles</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>It’s an unspoken law of nature that everyone has a role in life. Of course, none of us are born with this knowledge, but as we grow, we are moulded and shaped to create a role that we carry out every day. These roles come about for many different reasons. It could be based around somebody’s eccentric personality, their talents, or even their job. And sometimes, it’s based on their surroundings, such as their acquaintances, or society itself. An obvious example is the role of women, which has been gradually changing for many years, allowing women’s roles to fit the individual rather than society. </p>
<p>But roles change slowly. It’s a standard that, once it’s been set, tends to surprise people and upset them if you don’t meet those expectations. You have to defy them continuously before the standards can change and alter your role. And our roles are usually based on who we are as individuals, so it’s rare that anyone finds the need to change.</p>
<p>Our first individual has a very strong role. For many years she built up her reputation as a straight-talking, no-nonsense nanny. Most people wouldn’t dare cross her and would be surprised to see her laughing and smiling as she often did with the children in her care. Those who tried to know her quickly learned that she didn’t have a habit of staying in one place for a particularly long time. For some people, that may deter them from trying to get too close to her, for fear of making then losing a friend. However, one man in particular saw it as an excuse to make the most of the time they had together.</p>
<p>“Absolutely not.”</p>
<p>“Come on, you ‘ardly eva’ have a break. It’s just one night.”</p>
<p>“No thank you. I have a rather long list of things to be getting on with. And what you are proposing couldn’t be lower on my list of priorities.” As the moment stood, Mary was standing outside, talking to Cherry Tree Lane’s local leerie, Jack. It was the second Tuesday of the month and therefore, her day off. She’d just gotten back from a day at the market and visiting friends, and intended to head inside to finish reading her book, repair the tear in John’s trousers and go to bed. However, she had arrived back right as Jack had arrived to switch on the lamps for the night. And with it being her first free night after returning to London, he was insisting on bringing her out with him to spend a night on the town with the other leeries.</p>
<p>“I’m just saying, you really seemed to enjoy yourself that night in the fog. The lads’d love to see you again. And I’m sure you’d have a good time with ‘em too!” Mary went bright red,</p>
<p>“I hope you’re not implying that I-”</p>
<p>“Nonononononono, ‘course not. I would never think such a thing. I simply mean it would be fun. Nuffin’ more ‘n that.” Satisfied that he didn’t have any strange ideas about her, she thought about his proposal. Looking at her pocket watch, it was only 8 o’clock.</p>
<p>“I suppose it’s not very late yet... Alright. But I shall be leaving at 12.” She had to admit, the smile that spread across Jack’s face was indescribably brilliant. That man could convince her of anything.</p>
<p>“Great! Let’s go!” He enthusiastically grabbed his bike, before remembering who he was with. There was no way Mary would happily squeeze on with him, and he didn’t have enough people for his ladder seat to work. So instead, he pushed the bike alongside him as he walked with Mary. He was very glad she said yes, as he’d already booked the next day off, as had quite a few of his friends that were hoping to spend time with her.</p>
<p>It was a fairly short walk to their destination: Jack’s local pub, The Blue Jockey, that he frequented with his fellow leeries. It was down a rather damp and dirty alley, but that never put the lads off. However, it did seem to make Mary hesitate. But even Jack felt it was reasonable, when you considered there was a homeless man sleeping against some nearby bins.</p>
<p>“Don’t worry ‘bout Ol’ Jimmy there. He don’t bite.” From the look on her face, he could tell she wasn’t amused, but regardless, they pressed on, slipping into the warm pub.</p>
<p>Inside, the glow of the lights bounced between the crumbling walls. Tables were tightly packed together in the tight space, leaving the people sat at each, feeling even more squashed. Thankfully it was fairly quiet, being a Tuesday night, but as many of Jack’s friends had been hoping to see Mary, there were still quite a few. And once word got out of her arrival, it was only a matter of time before the place was rammed.</p>
<p>“There yous are! I was startin ta fink you’d neva’ show.” Angus cheered from his place at the bar, almost smacking the bartender in the face as he did, and offering a quick ‘sorry Percy’, to the poor man.</p>
<p>“You didn’t think I’d miss a night out did ya?” At the sound of their conversation, the other lads quickly perked up, and before she knew it, Mary was surrounded by another 8 men all laughing and joking.</p>
<p>She was pulled along to a table away in the corner, where the leeries gathered around to chat, every one of them becoming totally enthralled in the tales she had to tell. And just as expected, more of them arrived. Their table was filled and before they knew it, so was every other table. And even then, there were still people left standing and some even sitting on top of the tables. The night stretched on and drinks were downed. And before she even realised, it was twenty past 1 and she’d had a few full glasses of wine. The men weren’t exactly helping the situation either, they were all completely leathered and laughing at all sorts of nonsense. Had Jack not been busy sharing a bottle of whiskey with Oliver, he may have noticed that Mary had stayed much longer than she originally intended. And by the time he did realise, she was already dancing with his friends, and he didn’t really feel like killing the mood. She’d go when she was ready. So he left it. And the party continued. </p>
<p>Percy was particularly liberal in how he ran his bar. So even after the clock struck 3, he didn’t bother to shut up shop. After all, even he was enjoying himself. And he ignored the time when the clock struck 4, and he didn’t even notice when 5am rolled around. But that was probably more down to the fact that he had passed out by that point. In fact, most of his customers had. </p>
<p>Only Jack,  Mary and Yatesy were still conscious. Partly due to the fact that out of everyone, they drank the least, and they were also the best when it came to holding their liquor. They were the heavyweight gods of alcohol, although Yatesy was a little worse for wear compared to the others.</p>
<p>“I love you so *hic* flibbing much, Yak.” Yatesy was barely forming coherent words as he practically fell into Jack’s arms, knocking them both onto the floor and under a table. Jack could only muster a half arsed ‘gerroff’ as he lay there giggling like a child.</p>
<p>“This ‘s great,” Yatesy slurred, “ I fought Mary ‘ad work aaaaalll the time.”</p>
<p>“Well, she’s free tonight.” Jack mumbled.</p>
<p>“And what about tomorrow?”</p>
<p>“Nope, back to work.”</p>
<p>“Oh, ok.” Yatesy was just about to curl up where he lay on top of Jack to go to sleep when he spotted the clock.</p>
<p>“Wait, today’s tomorrow! No. Tomorrow’s today!”</p>
<p>“What?”</p>
<p>“Look!” Yatesy pointed at the clock, showing it was 6:38am. And when everyone’s eyes fell on the timepiece, everyone freaked out. Mary shot up like a bolt of lightning,</p>
<p>“How on earth did that happen?! I was supposed to leave at midnight!”</p>
<p>“I didn’t know that.” Yatesy sputtered.</p>
<p>“Yes, but Jack did!”</p>
<p>“What?! How is this my fault? I’m not meant to be looking after you.”</p>
<p>“Yes, but I would have expected you’d at least be vaguely aware of the time. Don’t you have work too? The sun’s already up, you’re late!”</p>
<p>“I booked today off ‘cos I knew I’d be ‘ungover.”</p>
<p>“It’s alright for some.” She scoffed. Furiously, she stormed out of the bar to race back to the house. This was awful, she couldn’t show up after drinking, but then again, she couldn’t just not show up. Jack quickly followed after her, leaving Yatesy on the floor.</p>
<p>“‘ang on, I can give you a lift.”</p>
<p>“Jack, I’d rather not take my chances on a rusty bicycle while the driver is intoxicated.”</p>
<p>“Well, d’ya know the way back?”</p>
<p>“I don’t get lost.”</p>
<p>“Are you sure?”</p>
<p>“Yes, of course I’m sure!”</p>
<p>“‘Cos you’re going the wrong way.”</p>
<p>Mary stopped walking and looked around, realising he was right. She didn’t really remember which direction they came from. That, the alcohol, and the fact that the bar was at the centre of a maze of alleyways meant she was completely turned around before she’d even begun.</p>
<p>“Fine,” she spat, admitting defeat, “where do I need to go?”</p>
<p>“Uuuh...” Truth be told, Jack was still too out of it to have any idea himself. He knew you had to go left, but after that he was lost.</p>
<p>“Look, I can’t really think of the directions, but I can do it if I walk that way.” But Mary’s raised brow told him that she wasn’t quite convinced. “Come on, it’ll be fine.”</p>
<p>So he took the left that he was certain he needed to take, and as he saw where that led him, it was enough to remember that it was a right turn next. Or was it left? No it was right! Or was it? Wait- hang on-</p>
<p>Before he knew it, he was also completely lost. In the years he’d been coming here, he’d never gotten lost. But now, he was wondering and weaving through a maze trying to figure out where they were in relation to the main road.</p>
<p>“I don’t believe this. I should never have come here. I should’ve known this would happen.”</p>
<p>“Come on now Mary, chin up. It’s not like they can’t survive wi’out you.”</p>
<p>“I don’t doubt their ability to make do without me. The problem is that this is all completely unprofessional. I should never have allowed myself to be dragged along in your inappropriate pastimes. I mean, really, who goes out drinking in the middle of the week?”</p>
<p>“The same person who wants to celebrate their friend’s return who only ever takes a day off in the middle of the week.”</p>
<p>“Well, I’d say it’s a rather effective method to avoid drinking oneself under the table, like some people.” It was taking every ounce of will power for Jack to avoid rolling his eyes at her comments.</p>
<p>“You say that as if I do this every night. I’m a grown man wi’ responsibilities and bills to pay. I can’t afford to do it often.”</p>
<p>“Yes, but you’re still childish to waste money on it in the first place.”</p>
<p>“Come on,” Jack laughed, “I saw you, you were having a great time. You can’t possibly be telling yourself that it were all bad.” However, Jack had made a fatal error. One he would live to regret. He laughed. And if there’s one thing you should never do when a woman’s angry, it’s laugh.</p>
<p>“Jack, will you stop being so immature for once! This is serious, and yet you’re treating it like a joke.”</p>
<p>“Woah, calm down there.” Another fatal error.</p>
<p>“No, you do this all the time. It starts out all innocent, but then you get too giddy and excited, and before you know it, everything’s escalated and someone’s gotten hurt!”</p>
<p>“Come on, that thing with Joey wasn’t my fault and you know it.” He tried to keep a light tone to try squash the argument, but it did very little.</p>
<p>“Oh, when will you just grow up?” She snapped. At that point, the argument ceased. But not because of Jack’s ‘careful responses’, but because they’d finally made it to the main road. And Mary didn’t even give Jack the chance to say goodbye before she raced off down the road, as gracefully as she could manage, to make it back to the house as soon as possible.</p>
<p>“Ok then. Bye, I guess.”</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Walk The Walk</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Jack wasn’t the kind of person to hold grudges. He usually got tired if he tried and would forget all about whatever issue he had, which would sometimes annoy the other person if they were more skilled at holding a grudge. But that doesn’t mean the effects of an argument didn’t last. Jack had a habit of trying avoid the other person until things calmed down. At least, that’s what he told himself. Truth be told, it was more because he was embarrassed half the time. The idea that he’d upset someone else made it quite hard for him to face them again. Especially when it was someone he respected as much as Mary.</p>
<p>In fact, Jack had taken to using his lighting pole to turn the lamps down when he passed by the Banks house. Now this wouldn’t normally be significant if it was on any other street, but Jack had a habit of lingering outside the house, in the hopes that he’d run into Mary to be pulled along on some crazy adventure. But instead of taking the extra time to use the ladder, he would get past the post as quickly as possible.</p>
<p>He hadn’t seen her in almost a week, but he still hadn’t quite gotten over what she said. Did she really think he was immature? He’d never seen her snap like that. Had he really been so bad? He’d always thought she didn’t mind his joking nature, but then again, sober thought are drunk words. And she’d certainly had a few for that to apply. The idea that he’d always annoyed her, started to wear him down. He desperately wanted her to like him, she was an incredible person after all.</p>
<p>He tried to think about how he’d been behaving. He’d probably convinced her a few too many times to do something slightly undignified. But she’d always enjoyed it. And that was what he didn’t understand. She had definitely had a good time at the pub. But then, in the morning, she acted like she’d been forced to go. Maybe he just annoyed her so much that she joined him to get him to shut up? Oh god, was he really that bad? She probably hated him.</p>
<p>It was at the pub where he started having these thoughts. He’d only gone there because he knew that Mary wouldn’t go there. But he hadn’t touched his drink. How could he? That had been the cause of all this in the first place. He was in his own little world, overthinking his entire relationship with Mary. He thought about every single time they’d seen each other and tried to remember how she’d reacted to everything he’d done. He couldn’t remember it all, but he filled in the gaps, and before he knew it, he was convinced that she hated him.</p>
<p>“Hey, earth to Jack! Jaaaaaaaaack?” The leerie was pulled from his thoughts by Angus waving his hand in front of his face.</p>
<p>“You there buddy?” Jack finally looked at him, having never even noticed his arrival. In fact, when he first got there, the place was empty. But it seemed that the pub had been filled and he never even noticed. Angus was looking slightly amused by his lack of focus, but quite concerned at the same time. After all, he didn’t space out like that very often.</p>
<p>“Angus, am I annoying?” The question surprised the younger leerie, who actually needed to take a second to realise what he’d even been asked.</p>
<p>“I wouldn’t say so. Why? Someone miffed at’cha?”</p>
<p>“Mary.”</p>
<p>“Oh.” Angus wasn’t too sure what to say. With most people, you could just brush off an insult since half the time, they’re not too reputable themselves. But if someone like Mary was angry at you, there was probably some truth in it. “What did she say to ya?”</p>
<p>“She said I was childish, too giddy, that I get people hurt, and she seems to think I’m an alcoholic.”</p>
<p>“Ouch.”</p>
<p>“Exactly.” Angus wasn’t exactly sure what to say at that point. Yeah, Jack was a bit like a kid, but not to a fault. And he certainly helped people more than he hurt them. He could be serious and he definitely couldn’t afford to be an alcoholic. Jack sighed, “I don’t even know what I should do now.” But Angus had an idea,</p>
<p>“Simple. Prove her wrong.”</p>
<p>“And how am I meant to do that?” Angus smirked as he looked him up and down,</p>
<p>“Come wi’ me,” and with that, he grabbed him by the arm and dragged Jack to the bathroom.</p>
<p>The room was quite small, but it was empty. Which gave them much more space than if they stayed cramped at the bar. Two stalls sat in the corner, while a handful of urinals lined the walls just across from the sinks. Angus stood Jack in the middle of the room, looking at the way he stood. Under such inspection, Jack felt pretty awkward, but as he went to put his hands in his pockets, Angus was quick to bat them away.</p>
<p>“Ya can’t do that if ya wanna look posh.”</p>
<p>“Is that what we’re doing now?”</p>
<p>“Yep!” Angus continued inspecting as he walked around him like a prowling cat. As he stood behind him, Angus swiped the cap that Jack was wearing, much to the leerie’s dismay.</p>
<p>“Well, you don’t see posh folk lookin’ like that.” When he came back to stand in front of Jack, his next point of call was the small neck scarf he was wearing. He fiddled to untie it, before buttoning up his shirt all the way up. As he inspected the tie, he started muttering,</p>
<p>“No no, this won’t work... wait here.” All of a sudden, Angus dashed out of the bathroom, leaving Jack to wonder what he’d gotten himself into. It was nearly five minutes before he came back, but when he did, he wasn’t alone. Yatesy and Beck followed him in, each holding an article of clothing, a red and orange striped tie and a neat black blazer.</p>
<p>“This should do.” The three of them were quick to dress him up in the new smart outfit, almost choking him as they wrangled with the tie, something that none of them wore very often, and therefore couldn’t do a brilliant job at tying up. But after a few minutes of struggle, they just about managed. Stepping back, the trio took a moment to admire Jack,  who was looking a lot cleaner now.</p>
<p>“Wait, wait, wait.” Beck giggled, “You should wear yer specs too!”</p>
<p>“But I only need ‘em to read things.”</p>
<p>“So what?! You’ll look proper brainy!” Jack sighed as Beck rifled through his jacket to find the glasses case before shoving them on his face, almost poking Jack in the eye as he did so. Jack didn’t really like wearing them very often, feeling like the circular frames looked quite odd on him and would attract weird looks from his friends, but his friends instead seemed to think they were perfect to bring the look together, even though Jack could only question why he ever bothered getting them in the first place.</p>
<p>He already felt extremely out of place, dressed like he had money but standing in a dingy pub bathroom with his three scruffy friends. But as he found himself trying to shrink away from the whole situation, Yatesy was quick to jab him in the back to get him to stand up straight.</p>
<p>“Ok. Now you gotta act posh! And that means ya can’t slouch, and ya can’t lean.” Jack adjusted his posture a little for his friends to inspect.</p>
<p>“Ya look a little stiff, maybe put your arms behind ya back.” Jack did as he was told, and soon enough, they had him parading around the room, learning how to walk the walk.</p>
<p>“And when ya walk wi’ a lady, ya need to link arms like this.” As Angus linked arms with him, getting really close, Jack very quickly realised what he had in mind.</p>
<p>“Wait, are you thinking I should take her out?!”</p>
<p>“Well yeah, what else would you do? You need to prove to her that you can be posh and sophisticated. You can’t do that when you’re covered in grease and lighting lamps. You HAVE to take her out.” Jack instantly lost all the confidence he thought he had, beginning to feel hopeless.</p>
<p>“How would I be able to do that? You do realise that rich people throw around more money than we earn all week every time they go out. I can’t afford that!” Angus laughed,</p>
<p>“Oh ye of little faith. Do you really think I hadn’t thought o’ that? Look, I have a friend o’ mine who owes me a favour. He can get ya into an opera and I might even be able to get yous a private box if I ask ‘im nicely. And I could probably get ‘im to sort the bill for a nice meal afterwards.” The very idea of an evening like that made Jack tense. But Angus was probably right. If he wanted to make Mary think he could be posh and sophisticated, it was really his only option.</p>
<p>“Come on, you haf to learn all the etiquette.” Angus was quick to jump at the opportunity to scheme, he was in his element. Jack wouldn’t leave the pub until he could pass for old money. As was usually the case with the leeries, there was always someone who could chip in with something. Before Jack even knew it, his shoes were shined, his face was shaved, and he’d had about a hundred different lessons on things he had to do when talking with a wealthy person.</p>
<p>It was all quite overwhelming for Jack. He’d never known there was so much to learn, and he certainly had never known it when talking to the upper class before. Would Jane have thought less of him because of it? Did he need to do this with her too? Because there were far too many rules for him to keep in mind. And he certainly knew he’d be making more than a few mistakes that would probably seem obvious to others.</p>
<p>But soon enough, they were brainstorming how to ask Mary. As Jack knew the family well, he knew they’d be away for the weekend to visit family. And as far as he knew, Mary had planned to stay at the house to finish a few jobs and take a break. So the leeries found themselves huddled around the bar, dictating an invitation to Percy, the only one who could write with fancy calligraphy. He even closed it up with a wax seal for them. And after a short deliberation, they decided that Joey should deliver it, since he was looking in the best shape, and Jack was too nervous to do it himself.</p>
<p>So without any hesitation, Joey hopped on his bike and raced to the Banks house, in the hopes that he’d get there at a decent time of night.</p>
<p>Upon arrival, he found that Mary was actually on the balcony of the nursery, busying herself with something while she watched the night’s stars. She was a little surprised to see Joey peddling down the street, but she was especially surprised when he asked,</p>
<p>“Can I come up?” Despite it being such an unusual situation, she consented, and Joey set up his ladder, clambering up to the shelter over the front door and hopping over to the balcony, perching himself on the railing.</p>
<p>“I have summit for you, from Jack.” She was hesitant at first, after all, she hadn’t really seen Jack since the night at the bar on Tuesday, but when Joey pulled out a rather beautiful neat envelope, her curiosity got the better of her.</p>
<p>‘Dear Mary,</p>
<p>After the chaos of this past Tuesday, I thought I would make it up to you. I’ve heard you’ll be free this weekend and would like to invite you to join me for a formal evening out, to prove that I’m not the kind of man you think I am. If you agree, I’ll be there to pick you up tomorrow at quarter to six.</p>
<p>Sincerely, J Hackney’</p>
<p>She was rather surprised to say the least. Jack wasn’t one for formalities, but she appreciated the gesture. It was nice to see him acting so maturely for once, formally inviting her out rather than shouting up to the balcony from the street as he had done earlier that week. And although she did regret snapping at him like she did, if it had made him evaluate himself and change, she could only see that as a good thing.</p>
<p>“Alright,” she smiled, “I’ll go.” Joey couldn’t help the grin that spread over his face from ear to ear, but when he remembered his manners, he bid her farewell with a tip of his cap, and headed back to the pub to deliver the good news.</p>
<p>The children were very quick to ask Mary what was going on, but she was just as quick to dismiss their questions. But that didn’t stop herself from thinking about it. She couldn’t believe Jack would ever change, but the thought that she had inspired it, was one that brought a smile to her face. It would be a lovely night, she couldn’t wait.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Playing Pretend</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Jack had been fiddling with his cuff for nearly an hour. Had he been able to wear his hat, he’d have been wringing that instead. And if he’d been able to wear his old tatty gloves, he’d pull at the fraying threads. But as Angus had said, they looked too scruffy. He was wearing a black suit that had been assembled by borrowing things from various people. The striped tie belonged to Marty, the blazer was Beck’s with the pants coming from Lewis, and he was fairly sure the emerald green waistcoat came from either Tommy or Mick. Green was never his colour. He felt completely out of his element as he ran a hand through his freshly cut hair (thanks to Oscar) and went right back to fiddling with the cuff. He could barely breathe in the outfit. The waistcoat was really small, since Tommy and Mick were both midgets, so of course the waistcoat was too tight, meaning he could barely suck in a full breath. And no matter how many times he’d tried, he couldn’t loosen the collar, which was also choking him. He just hoped to god he wouldn’t need to breath in any particularly fast pace.</p>
<p>He’d been walking for what felt like hours. He never realised just how far away the Banks house was from his own. But now that he couldn’t cycle the distance, he realised just how far it really was. Hours and hours of nervous energy had built up, and on a few occasions, he’d been filled with a sudden urge to sprint, but the clothes he was wearing didn’t provide much ability for that and he didn’t want to mess himself up before he even got to the house. He noticed on a few occasions that there was a tingling in his fingers, and when he went to look, found that his hands were shaking. So he took the opportunity to put them behind his back and practice The Walk. But it wouldn’t be long before he’d go back to fiddling with his sleeve and looking like a lost child wandering the streets.</p>
<p>Eventually, he got to the house, where he was again met with an urge to run. And not just to burn some energy, but to get as far away as humanly possible. But in the end, he managed to push the feeling aside for long enough to knock on the door, committing himself to the night ahead.</p>
<p>When Mary came to the door, she had been wearing an elegant red dress. She always dressed her best, but seeing her look so glamorous was entirely new. She wore her best pearls and seemed to have taken extra care in doing her hair into the the neatest updo she could manage. It really made him glad that he was looking equally as formal.</p>
<p>“Good evening.” She smiled warmly at the sight of him, admiring his get up.</p>
<p>“Good evening to you too,” he said, unsure of what else to say, “you ready?”</p>
<p>“Absolutely, lets go.” He offered his arm, which she gracefully took, almost as if she’d been expecting him to do that, surprising Jack that people actually did this.</p>
<p>They fell into a light conversation as they wandered to the opera house, admiring the city streets as they went. At least that was one thing they were always in agreement on, the simple things were always beautiful.</p>
<p>“I didn’t know you wore glasses.” Mary had commented, as their previous topic ran dry. It was his first opportunity to really sound sensible,</p>
<p>“Yeah, I just don’t wear them for work. They’d probably fall off while I’m cycling. Either that or one of the lads would pinch them.” She chuckled at the thought and smiled,</p>
<p>“Well, I like them. They suit you.” Jack hadn’t been sure whether to believe that or not. Last time he looked in the mirror, he thought they looked ridiculous. He’d only bought them because it was the only pair he could afford. But maybe he’d been wrong.</p>
<p>“I’m glad you’re showing me this side of you. I understand you can’t really act like this at work, but it’s nice like this. It’s so much better.” Jack would be lying if he said this didn’t hurt. He turned away slightly as he heard the words, feeling much less comfortable looking at her than he did before. But the brilliant thing about all this etiquette, was that he was able to look like nothing was wrong. Mary never even noticed his reaction to her, if she had known how he’d felt about it, she may well have said something else. But she didn’t know, and she didn’t say anything.</p>
<p>It wasn’t too long before they got to the opera house, but it felt like an eternity to Jack, who’d been analysing every word she said so he could calculate a perfect response, all the while worrying that he’d get it wrong. But so far, he seemed to have gotten it right. Either that or Mary just decided not to mention anything. He was still feeling the strain of the ill-fitting outfit and when he got inside, it provided him with a new problem: he was starting to overheat.</p>
<p>He’d looked all around the entryway as they went in, to see if anyone else removed their blazers. But when nobody did, he assumed this was another rule he had to follow and suffer through. So as he tried to ignore his discomfort, he walked Mary to their seats.</p>
<p>It seemed like Angus must’ve really been polite to that friend of his, as he had managed to get them a private box. It had a really good view of the stage, but Jack was more relieved that he wouldn’t have to sit with the rest of the audience. It just felt like wherever he went, they were staring at him, as if they knew he shouldn’t be there. He was surprised Mary hadn’t questioned how he’d gotten such tickets, but she was a smart woman and assumed he’d been given them. But still, it impressed Jack even more that she also didn’t assume that his sophisticated look was just an act.</p>
<p>While they waited for the show to start, Mary was kind enough to point out a few people in the audience that she recognised. But of course she didn’t actually point, that would be rude, but she was able to do a good enough job describing their position in the crowd that he was actually able to follow along.</p>
<p>“And that is Lord Edison and his wife Edith. They’re a lovely couple. I might introduce you to them after this if we run into them.” Jack cringed, knowing that, when it came to Mary, that meant they absolutely would run into each other “by chance” and she would definitely introduce them. Just what he needed: more people to worry about judging him. And strangers like that who were so important would probably be a little harsher in their critiques.</p>
<p>He tried to put those thoughts to the back of his mind as the show started, but he couldn’t help dwelling on them longer. Eventually, however, he ran out of things to consider and actually had to pay attention to the performance.</p>
<p>Things were a little confusing to him, and he often found he couldn’t tell what the actors were even trying to sing over the drama in their voice. In the end, he found himself listening to a lot of imposing and threatening music that was calm every so often. Mary seemed to be able to follow along a little easier, and thanks to her reactions and what he could gather from both the tone of the music and the actors’ movements, he just about had it figured out what was going on. He just had to hope that nobody would ask him about any specific part, because he really wasn’t in that good of a place to answer.</p>
<p>And after about two or three hours, however, the show did come to a rather loud and extravagant end as the villain died in a sword fight with the hero, and his wife fled the country. The whole thing felt seriously over the top to him, but the rest of the audience seemed to love it, Mary included, and the performance earned a standing ovation. Jack followed along with everyone else, but above all else, he was just glad he’d get to go back outside into the cool night air again, as he had started to feel like he might pass out, all thanks to his suit.</p>
<p>The next part of the night was the meal. It was the part he’d been dreading the most, because it meant he’d have to talk to Mary the whole time. Something he could’ve done quite easily on that Tuesday night at the bar, but now it seemed like the most daunting task in the world. And it was about to get a whole lot worse.</p>
<p>“Mary Poppins?” A surprised call rang out behind the two as they came outside, and upon turning around, they were met with the couple Mary had said they might run into. What a surprise. Not.</p>
<p>“I was certain it was you, but Thomas saw this gentleman with you and assumed you were someone else,” she said, gesturing to Jack, “I didn’t know you were courting someone! When were you going to tell us?”</p>
<p>“Oh, we’re not courting,” Mary assured, “we’re just old friends. We haven’t seen each other in a while so we thought we’d go out to catch up.”</p>
<p>“Aw, lovely,” she beamed, looking Jack up and down. Her husband, who so far had been quietly standing by his wife while the women spoke, turned to Jack to greet him,</p>
<p>“Nice to meet you, good sir. My name is Lord Thomas Charles Scribnerson Montgomery Edison III,” he said, gripping Jack’s hand in a firm shake, “and this is my wife Edith Arabella Lockridge-Edison IV.”</p>
<p>“How do you do.” She smiled and Jack shook hands with her too, but based on her reaction to that, it looked like she would have rather it if he kissed her hand instead. Though he thought that was little old fashioned, even for upper-class standards.</p>
<p>“I’m Jackson Hackney,” he replied, a little awkwardly, in an attempt to make his simple name sound a little fancier and doing his best to hide his rough accent.</p>
<p>“Good to meet you Mr Hackney.”</p>
<p>“And yourselves.” He hoped to god that he was saying the right thing. The Edisons looked so important that they probably had the power to lock someone away just for having poor manners. Lord Edison was a rather imposing man, standing at at least 6’5”, looming over all of them with his broad shoulders, despite looking to be in his mid sixties. His posture was perfect, his thin grey hair was in a neat comb-over, and his moustache was perfectly trimmed. He even had a monocle for goodness sake! How was he supposed to compete with that?! His wife was a little easier to look at. She was a smaller woman, only about five feet tall, who also looked to be in her sixties and had very grey hair worn in the sort of updo a kindly grandmother would wear. But despite smiling so much more than her husband, there was still something sinister in it, that was only further emphasised when she looked at him with any other expression, which no matter what, only ever looked like disdain. They were both dressed in the finest outfits money could buy, only making Jack feel even more inadequate in his borrowed bits of suit.</p>
<p>“So, where are you to off to now?” The Lord enquired.</p>
<p>“We’re going out to dinner,” Jack replied, realising Mary couldn’t respond for him as she didn’t actually know his plans.</p>
<p>“Oh lovely, which restaurant?”</p>
<p>“The Dolloway.”</p>
<p>“Oh, what a coincidence,” he beamed, “we were planning on heading there tonight too.” Of course they were. Part of Jack wondered whether or not this was actually true or if it was some kind of set up to mess with him, but nevertheless, he remained calm. At least, outwardly.</p>
<p>“Why don’t you join us?” Mary suggested, “We’d love the extra company.”</p>
<p>“What a splendid idea, yes, I think we shall.” It was all happening so fast that Jack nearly forgot to breathe. He hadn’t been ready for this. He hadn’t prepared for this at all. The tingling in his fingers very quickly became much more apparent to him, and he didn’t even need to look to know that he was shaking. He just hoped beyond hope that they wouldn’t notice as he tried to hide his trembling hands.</p>
<p>It was then that Jack found himself getting into the the Lord’s car with his wife and Mary as they drove to the Dolloway, a 5 star restaurant that was close enough to the opera house that it seemed almost silly to drive over there. He very quickly realised that he wasn’t talking very much. While Mary and Edith were leading the conversation, even Lord Edison was joining in every now and then. But as Jack tried, he just couldn’t find the words. They were talking about the show and all the other opera performances they’d seen in the past. It was at this point they asked Jack what other shows he’d seen, and when he responded that he hadn’t (because he didn’t even know where to begin to pretend like he had), he found himself being subject to Edith’s rather forceful recommendations of shows he absolutely must see. But Jack had to admit, tonight’s show was the first and would most likely be the last.</p>
<p>After that, he didn’t really need to take part in the conversation, and thanks to the nature of a car, it became pretty easy for the Edisons, up front, to forget about Jack sitting behind them. He just had to thank God that Mary didn’t remind them at any point, seeming to have gotten rather engrossed in the conversation. He never realised she liked operas so much.</p>
<p>The short drive ended outside the restaurant, where a valet was waiting to park the car for them. Jack had never been to the Dolloway, obviously, but he had heard a lot about it. Mainly it’s stuffy nature. Even Jane had once told him that her father had taken her there for her birthday years ago, and she said it was the most uptight place she’d ever been. It was the kind of place where even someone as low on the career ladder as the cleaners, would be millionaires from the restaurant’s paychecks alone.</p>
<p>They approached the entrance so Jack could give his name for the reservation, but when the waiter was about to take them to their table, Thomas spoke up from behind them,</p>
<p>“But there’s been a change of plans tonight sir, and we shall require a table for four instead.” The server didn’t even seem phased. He just turned to his book to rearrange some of the tables he had planned out before offering a genuinely warm smile to them,</p>
<p>“Of course Lord Edison, right this way.” Jack was certainly surprised at the lack of hassle that had been, considering how busy the restaurant was. And it only worried him more about the Edisons, if they could get whatever they wanted so easily.</p>
<p>They were seated at a beautifully arranged table covered with crisp white linen, a candle centrepiece and too much ornate silver wear for Jack to know what to do with. He found himself admiring the beautiful paintings that adorned the deep red regal walls as they waited for the server to fetch them some wine.</p>
<p>“I take it you’ve never been here before,” Edith commented, as Jack continued to admire the room.</p>
<p>“No, I haven’t.”</p>
<p>“Hm, it seems like there’s a lot of things you haven’t done.” Thomas remarked.</p>
<p>“Well, I’m fairly new to this.” he said, not really realising what he’d done until Edith asked dubiously,</p>
<p>“How so?”</p>
<p>“Oh, I just mean that I’m new to the area.” He lied.</p>
<p>“Oh really!” She exclaimed enthusiastically, “where did you live before?” In his head, Jack ran through a million locations. He just knew that wherever he said, they’d know the area and ask him something about it, and he wouldn’t be able to answer, even though it would probably be simple if he’d actually lived in the place. It was completely hopeless and in the end, his only option was to say the first option that popped into mind,</p>
<p>“Liverpool.” He didn’t realise his new mistake until Thomas scoffed,</p>
<p>“Liverpool? You don’t sound like a Scouser.”</p>
<p>“Well of course I’m not, but that’s where I was living. I’ve really been all over the place, I don’t really get to stay in one place for very long.” He mentally slapped himself for saying all that. They wouldn’t question if he said he’d just moved once or twice, but now he’d overdone it and they’d want to have a reason for him always being on the go.</p>
<p>“Really? For work, I assume?”</p>
<p>“Yes, of course.”</p>
<p>“And what do you do?” He scrambled around his head for something to say that made it sound like, despite the moving around, he still had a stable job.</p>
<p>“I work for a cruise ship company. I’m one of the managers. But they just seem to like moving their base around. I’ve been to a few coastal cities. But now they’ve got their headquarters in London, I’m hoping they’ll actually want to stay here for a while.” This story seemed to get a chuckle out of Edith, which Jack took as a good sign,</p>
<p>“A cruise ship company, you say? What’re they called?” Shoot.</p>
<p>“Tristar.” He hoped his random word would suffice, but when Edith responded that she hadn’t heard of them, his slightly awkward assurance that it was just a small company seemed to set off something within her. Something akin to pity,</p>
<p>“Well that doesn’t mean it’s any less of a good job.” She assured.</p>
<p>“Yes,” Thomas agreed, “be glad you’re a manager of a small company, because it could always be worse. At least you’ve got a good wage. I mean, can you imagine if you were a labourer at a small company instead?! At least you’re actually important. Men of that class are only going to drag this economy down.” He pretended that comment didn’t hurt as much as it did. He’d told himself this was something he’d probably have to expect while he was there, but that didn’t make it any easier to deal with, so he just nodded along, and tried to hide the ashamed look in his eyes.</p>
<p>“Yeah.”</p>
<p>“Excuse me,” a new voice broke into the conversation, and everyone turned towards the source. The server had returned and had a bottle with him,</p>
<p>“Would you care to test the wine?” Everyone looked about the table to see if anyone in particular wanted to. And when nobody volunteered, Thomas, the apparent leader of their group, made the decision for them.</p>
<p>“Why don’t you do it, Jackson?”</p>
<p>“Oh, ok.” The waiter smiled and popped the cork from the bottle, pouring out a splash and offering it to Jack to inspect. In all honesty, he’d never actually done this before, having never gone to a restaurant that was posh enough to do it. He’d read in some of his books what happened, and Angus had briefly mentioned it, so he figured he could probably fake it through the whole thing convincingly enough.</p>
<p>He took the glass, swirling it a bit as he did so and quickly smelt it before taking a sip. He didn’t know what to expect. Wine was wine. It tasted fine to him, but there was probably something that could be wrong with it. Still, he trusted the vineyard wouldn’t sell a bottle of wine from an inadequate batch and simply said that it was lovely, despite his accent almost managing to slip through.</p>
<p>“Thank you, sir.” The waiter smiled at them as he filled their glasses before placing the menus on the table.</p>
<p>“I’ll be back in a few minutes to take your order.” And with that, he strode away.</p>
<p>It was at this point that Thomas took his first sip of the wine, before looking at it oddly.</p>
<p>“Lovely, you said?” He swirled it around and had another taste, “I guess we must have different taste in wine, then.” Jack mentally cursed, but otherwise ignored the comment as he followed in everyone’s footsteps and looked at the menu.</p>
<p>He hadn’t known what to expect, but when he saw a lot of unpronounceable French-looking names, he knew it hadn’t been that. Everything was printed in a rather antique font that was pretty tough to read thanks to its flowiness, and he found that even though he had his glasses on, the letters seemed to jumble up and scramble in his brain. In the end, he decided not to choose something that was particularly appealing to him, just whatever on the menu was the easiest to read and say. After all, there was no way he’d be able to pronounce any of the French names.</p>
<p>In the end, he decided the have steamed sea bass, which, thankfully, didn’t lead to the Edisons judging him any more. What did have them judging him, was the topic of conversation they got onto after the food arrived as Jack tried to figure out which knife he was supposed to use, though they didn’t seem to even realise they were doing it.</p>
<p>“And then there’s that Hitler fellow in Germany.” At this point in their rather political conversation, you can probably guess that Jack was feeling rather tense.</p>
<p>“I don’t know why anyone would disagree with him. He’s putting his people first and will save their country. I’m talking as a hard-headed practical man of business, and I’m certain that fascism will save Germany’s economy and it will save Britain’s too.” Thomas seemed fairly certain of this, but Jack wasn’t an idiot. He knew what fascism would mean. He himself was a Latin immigrant, and he didn’t need a rise of fascism to contend with on top of the racist remarks he dealt with already. He knew if someone like Hitler came into power in England, he’d probably have to leave the country before he was beaten to death by a racist. He just counted himself lucky, thanks to his skin, he wasn’t as obvious as some of his friends, but people were still smart enough to figure it out pretty quickly.</p>
<p>He didn’t realise he’d been nervously tapping his foot, not until he felt Mary hold it down with her own shoe under the table. She gave him a quick look that seemed concerned, like she knew exactly why he was worried, but it was only there for a second so their company wouldn’t notice. Instead, she turned to them and continued the conversation as if nothing was wrong. Though he was quite relieved that she seemed to be on his side. Even if it did cause a small debate that led to Lord Edison asking him,</p>
<p>“You don’t fancy yourself as one of those socialists do you, Jackson?” Jack squirmed under his watchful glare,</p>
<p>“No, sir.” He lied, hoping desperately that he wouldn’t see through him.</p>
<p>“Good. We don’t need those silly ideas. A man has to look out for himself and his family. If we were all responsible for everyone else all the time, it would be very awkward, now wouldn’t it?”</p>
<p>“Of course.” At this point, Jack didn’t even want to get involved in any debates, so he just decided to take it when Thomas got political. Though he was partially glad of it, as it meant it took them much longer to spot that he’d been using the wrong cutlery out of the enormous selection he had, but by that point, they didn’t bother to try correct him, though they did give him a query look.</p>
<p>It was around this time while they ate, that Jack started to feel a little strange. He managed to ignore it for a while, yet as the meal wore on, it only got worse. But it was only after they’d finished the main meal, that he realised what was wrong with him. He felt sick. And not just a bit of nausea, more like, ‘get to the bathroom right now you’re gonna throw up’. It seemed like his body couldn’t handle such a rich meal after so many years on a low budget diet, and it was actively rejecting it.</p>
<p>He managed to excuse himself as politely as possible and headed to the bathroom, while the rest of them looked at the dessert menu. The thought alone of trying to eat something else only made the nausea worse.</p>
<p>He just made it to the empty bathroom in time, throwing himself into the first stall to empty his guts into the toilet. His stomach heaved and pressed against the tight confines of the small waistcoat. But he was too preoccupied with throwing up to do anything about it. It was only after he’d coughed up every last bit of bile that he was able to undo the waistcoat, his tie, and the top button of his collar, allowing him to breathe properly for the first time that night.</p>
<p>His body lay slumped over the toilet as he caught his breath, his forehead resting against the cool seat as he tried to relax himself a bit more. And it was about a minute later when he found the strength to stand up again, flushing the toilet as he did so, and headed over to the sinks.</p>
<p>He looked a mess. His suit was looking rather untidy and Jack couldn’t bring himself to care to tuck his shirt back in or redo the buttons or anything. His neat hair was looking tatty and his face was flushed. He could feel the strain from wearing the reading glasses for too long, and under the startlingly bright lights of the bathroom, it was starting to give him a seriously bad headache. So he quickly pulled them off before he got sick again.</p>
<p>He couldn’t go back. Not like this. The sudden shock to his body meant he was still a little shaky, and his voice certainly sounded hoarse. But he dreaded to think what his breath smelt like, and honestly, he really didn’t want to check. He couldn’t go out like that.</p>
<p>The leerie ran a hand through his hair as he leant over the counter, no longer caring about etiquette. He let his head hang, slipping to the floor to sit down and curl into a ball against the counters. He didn’t want to look at himself in the mirror. That man was not him. It had to be someone else. Nothing about this felt right and the thought of having to keep up the act any longer was starting to make him panic. He didn’t want to be Jackson anymore. He wanted to be Jack. He liked being Jack. Just Jack. Not Jackson, not Mr Hackney, not a manager of Trustar cruises or whatever the hell he said he was. Just. Jack.</p>
<p>He was seriously finding himself in a panic, and despite loosening the fabric constricting around his chest, it still felt like he couldn’t breathe in the stiff outfit. He tried to get up and splash some water on his face, but his general shakiness meant most of the water just spilt down his shirt. His heart pounded a thundering rhythm in his chest as everything became too much. Too much garb, too many rules, too many eyes on him, even though he was currently standing in an empty room. He wanted nothing more than to go home, be somewhere he knows and could comfortably be himself. But it wasn’t really an option.</p>
<p>Was it even worth it? Did he really want to be friends with her so badly that he’d completely rewrite his entire life and personality, even if it made him physically ill? Did he really want to be friends with that kind of woman? But it was Mary Poppins! Mystical, magical Mary Poppins. The woman who flew down on a kite and pulled him along to climb into a painting on a bowl and dance on the ceiling and run all over London together. Everything she did had enamoured him ever since the day he first met her all those years ago when he was just a lad himself. Of course he wanted to be friends with her. He admired her so much!</p>
<p>But clearly she didn’t want to be his friend. She said it herself that she liked the new him much more. And how was he going to go back to being himself knowing something like that? He couldn’t! It wasn’t possible. She’d probably just pretended to like him all this time because the times they’d been together, he was either still a child, or was an adult that needed to entertain other children. She probably thought he was different with people his own age. But he’d only been a disappointment. And to top it all off, now that he was trying to make it up to her, he couldn’t even do that right. He hadn’t even gotten a decent chance to talk to her because of that bloody Edison couple!</p>
<p>It was only when he looked at himself in the mirror again did he notice the tired tears that had fallen down his face. He hastily wiped them away embarrassed and knowing someone could walk in any moment while he’d be looking like an idiot.</p>
<p>“Stupid Jack.” He muttered to himself, no longer bothering to hide his accent, “stop gettin’ so upset over this. You’re a grown man for God’s sake. You’re not s’pposed to get upset over stupid stuff li’ this.” He looked into the mirror again, splashing some more water on his face as he attempted to psych himself up to tidy himself and get back out there. But he couldn’t bring himself to move. Just the thought of trapping himself in that waistcoat again, made his chest hurt. And as he couldn’t hide from the reality of his situation any longer, he finally admitted defeat.</p>
<p>“I can’t do it.” He hated that he had to give up. All he was doing was pretending. But he just couldn’t go on any more. And he couldn’t go back out there. He’d have to avoid Mary forever if he bailed, but he’d still have to avoid her even if he had managed to get through the night, because there was no way he’d be able to keep it up at any point in the future.</p>
<p>But he didn’t want to avoid her. He’d miss her. And she’d be so upset with him if he bailed. He didn’t want to be so mean to her. But he couldn’t bear to stay a second longer. He had to get out of there. He didn’t notice when he started crying again, but it was humiliating when he realised. He hated himself so much in that moment. So he pried his arms away from where he’d been hugging himself and headed over to the window.</p>
<p>Thankfully it was unlocked and when he swung it open, he was fairly certain he’d be able to get through. It led to the carpark outside, but thankfully, it was pretty much void of life, as the customers were all still dining inside. He’d gotten one leg out the window when he looked back.</p>
<p>She’d never forgive him.</p>
<p>“’m sorry Mary.” And with that, he clambered out and took off running.</p>
<p>Several minutes had passed in the dining room, filled mostly with a bit of harmless gossip. But after the waiter came and went to take their dessert orders, they realised they were still a man short.</p>
<p>“Jackson’s been gone for a while.” Edith commented, “do you think something’s wrong?” Thomas looked at his watch rather pointlessly, as he didn’t know the time when he left, to gage how long it had been.</p>
<p>“Yes, I would’ve thought he’d be back by now.”</p>
<p>“You don’t suppose something’s happened?”</p>
<p>“Now now,” Mary interjected, “I’m sure he’s fine. He’ll be back any minute.”</p>
<p>“Still,” Thomas started, “I think I’ll go check on him. Make sure he hasn’t fallen in.” Thomas left the ladies smugly as they chuckled at his joke, but as soon as he was gone, Edith turned back to Mary with a completely new expression.</p>
<p>“Now, Mary,” she started, “I didn’t want to embarrass you in front of Thomas, but I am your friend, so I can’t lie about it.”</p>
<p>“Whatever’s the matter?” She asked.</p>
<p>“Jackson. I really don’t like him. And I’m surprised you saw any worth in him. There’s just something... wrong about him.” She shuddered as she spoke, as if Jack had been some sort of disturbing creature that had gorged itself at the table. When in reality, he had been more civilised than she’d ever known possible from him.</p>
<p>“In what way?” She could feel herself getting defensive, but Edith didn’t seem to notice.</p>
<p>“I don’t know. But I can just tell he’s going to drag you down.” She scoffed, “honestly, I don’t know what it is with you and your taste in men, but you always make some horrible choices. First that sweep- lord only knows what you were thinking with him-, and now this twit.” Mary was rather taken aback by this, and Edith certainly noticed, and found herself scrambling to save her friendship.</p>
<p>“Look, I’m sorry, but I can’t stand around and see you let yourself be ruined by someone like him. I know you said he’s an old friend, and I assume you knew each other as children. But I think he should just stay as an old friend and you should move on. People change. And sometimes it’s not for the best.” When Mary quirked a brow however, she decided she wasn’t done, “I’m serious Mary. I know what you’re like. And he has no personality whatsoever. You’ll be bored of him soon enough, I’m sure. Or else he’s going to cling to you like a rash and suck the life out of you. He’s a little twerp and you should get rid of him immediately.”</p>
<p>At this point, Mary may very well have said something in Jack’s defence, she really wanted to, but she lost her opportunity when Thomas returned looking rather pale. Edith looked him up and down in confusion,</p>
<p>“Well, where is he?” She asked indignantly, “come on, spit it out! Lord knows we haven’t got all night!”</p>
<p>“He’s gone.”</p>
<p>“What do you mean, ‘he’s gone’?”</p>
<p>“The window in the bathroom was open and he’s gone.” He replied, his own patience fading. Edith turned to Mary in horror as they realised what this meant.</p>
<p>“I knew that pillock was a no-good piece of work.” Thomas grumbled, as Edith looked at her with a sickening look that said “I’m so sorry” and “I told you so” at the same time. Mary wasn’t a violent woman, but in that moment, she wouldn’t have particularly minded slapping her. But instead, her shock consumed her and she did nothing. She couldn’t believe he’d leave her there after everything. She couldn’t even tell how she felt about it, she was just empty. She didn’t even notice when Thomas put his hand on her shoulder,</p>
<p>“I’m so sorry Mary. But he doesn’t deserve you anyway.” She just found herself staring in disbelief at where Jack had been sitting. This wasn’t like him. What on Earth happened?</p>
<p>“It’s alright, Mary,” Edith assured, “you can stay with us this evening.”</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. This Is Home</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The weekend came and went without a single known soul seeing Jack Hackney. The only sign that he hadn’t vanished off the face of the planet was that his route was still being lit in the evenings and extinguished at sunrise. But he didn’t roam the streets during the day, or visit his friends, or go to the pub after the night out to tell them about it, like he had said he would.</p>
<p>Angus had been half tempted to drop by the Banks house to see for himself, after he tried to visit Jack in his own flat only to find he wasn’t there. However, when he got to the pub that night in the hopes that maybe tonight would be the night, his wishes came true. And about fifteen minutes after he arrived, Jack slipped inside, looking rather sheepish.</p>
<p>He kept his head down so as not to gather too much attention, which worked, actually, but since Angus had been specifically looking out for him at that moment, he did see him. He almost wanted to make a big thing about it, but he could tell something wasn’t right. The way he seemed to come in wishing he was invisible and how he’d been hiding from everyone all weekend, set huge red flags blazing in his head. Something was very wrong. But of course, he pretended not to notice.</p>
<p>“Hey Jack! Where’ve ya bin?” He beamed. Jack seemed to be relieved by the warm welcome and relaxed even more when Angus didn’t start gathering the rest of leeries to hear his story.</p>
<p>“Out and about, ya know, the usual.” His smile was fake. No doubt about it. And he knew that because as he sat down with him, he was smiling in a way he’d only ever seen once before. And it was fear. And it was shame.</p>
<p>“Really? We all thought you dropped off the face o’ the planet. ‘ave we all got B.O. or summit?” His light hearted joke managed to pull a small laugh from his companion, but once it passed, he only looked more embarrassed than he had been before. “So,” he asked, “‘ow’d it go?”</p>
<p>“It were fine.” Of course, he didn’t believe him for a second.</p>
<p>“You know you don’t have to lie. If summit ‘appened, you can tell me. I’m not gonna judge you.” When that got no response, he continued, “Come on. What went wrong?” Jack groaned and let his head drop, planting his face into the bar as he gave a miserable sigh,</p>
<p>“Everything.” Angus tried to force a laugh at his friend’s overdramaticness, but couldn’t help but be genuinely concerned for him.</p>
<p>“Come on, seriously?” He chuckled, “Can’t ‘a been that bad.” Jack sat up again, turning to look him dead in the eye,</p>
<p>“The night ended wi’ me being sick and climbing out a window.”</p>
<p>“Oh.”</p>
<p>Angus’ mouth hung open as he tried to process what he said. He couldn’t actually be serious, right?</p>
<p>“I’d been strugglin’ to keep it together all night.” He elaborated, “She introduced me to some rich friends, and they just judged me the whole time. Just sorta panicked. I ended up losin’ it in the bathroom and I had to get out of there. So I climbed out the window and ran. Ugh, I’m such an idiot!” He let his head fall into his hands in defeat, as Angus desperately tried to figure out what he could possibly say to make him feel better.</p>
<p>“Well- uh- hey! Look on the bright side, at least she knows that that’s not’cha style and she won’t try to force it.” Jack didn’t lighten up at all,</p>
<p>“That’s the thing though, she said at the start o’ the night that she liked the sensible version of me much better. And yet I couldn’t even bear it for one ni-” He almost choked on his words and looked away suddenly, his hand flying to cover his mouth, shuddering, as his voice threatened to fail him.</p>
<p>“Hang on, you’re not getting all upset over this are you?” His voice was filled with a genuine and serious concern, as he tried to lean over the bar and get a better look around at him. But Jack only turned further away as he hurriedly wiped something from his face.</p>
<p>“No.” The shakiness in his voice was enough to tell him the truth. And when he pulled him back towards him, wrapping his arms around him in the best side-on hug he could manage at the bar, although Jack didn’t hug back, he didn’t resist, and let his head drop to rest on his shoulder, finally letting the tears out that he thought he’d never let come. In all honesty, he hadn’t talked to anybody since his trip to the Dolloway, and all the thoughts he’d spent the weekend trying to lock away and ignore, were all getting out thanks to Angus caring so much about him.</p>
<p>“Ya can’t let her get to ya like this,” he said, rubbing his hand up and down Jack’s arm, who still found himself quietly crying. “If she prefers you a certain way, then tough! She needs to get new friends. Because it ain’t ya job to change who you are for nobody! It’s one thing to prove her wrong, but if she wants ya to act like that all the time, she can get stuffed.” Jack couldn’t help but smile at his assurance, thoroughly glad he’d come to the pub after all.</p>
<p>“I’m serious,” he continued, “I don’t care if she’s some fancy great magic-woman. If all she cares about is ya status, then that’s just shallow and sad. You can do so much better’n that. There’s enough people out there who’d kill to ‘ave a friend like you. She just doesn’t know how much of a good thing she’s got. And she’s obviously nowhere near close to being so perfect if she can’t see something as obvious as that.” By now, Angus had started rocking him in a gentle rhythm as he spoke, the subtle vibrations of his voice adding to their moment.</p>
<p>“So don’t go wasting your tears on someone like that.” He said, reaching over to wipe away the droplets’ tracks with his thumb that had stained Jack’s face, “save ‘em for someone who matters, ok?” Jack nodded at his side, still not quite able to find his voice. And as Angus’ hand lingered against he cheek and he planted a quick kiss to the top of his head, he couldn’t help but smile.</p>
<p>“Just remember, you’re loved and we like having ya ‘round. Ok?” Jack nodded, taking a deep breath, and they pulled away from each other, but Angus didn’t seem too happy about getting a non-verbal answer.</p>
<p>“A’ight, I’ll say it again. You’re loved and we like having ya ‘round. Get it? You’re loved and we like having ya ‘round. Do I need to tell you again? You’re loved and we like having ya ‘round!”  Each time, Angus came closer with a big grin on his face, and as Jack tried to lean away, he found himself unable to control his laughter.</p>
<p>“What are ya?”</p>
<p>“Loved?”</p>
<p>“And?”</p>
<p>“Ya like having me ‘round.”</p>
<p>“Then say it!”</p>
<p>“‘m loved and ya like having me ‘round.” He had felt a little awkward saying it, but as Angus’ grin widened, his confidence grew.</p>
<p>“Again!”</p>
<p>“’m loved and you like having me ‘round.”</p>
<p>“I can’t hear you~ Louder!”</p>
<p>“I’m loved and you like having me around!”</p>
<p>“Hooray! There it is!” And as Angus pulled him into a headlock, whipped his cap off and messed up his hair, the two couldn’t help but laugh hysterically.</p>
<p>By now, they’d caused enough commotion to gather the attention of the rest of the pub, and so, of course, everybody noticed Jack. Very quickly, a small crowd had gathered around the pair, all of them asking questions at 100mph. So Jack decided to quickly fill them in, still smiling the whole time.</p>
<p>“The night were awful and she wants me to be all posh forever. She can get stuffed,” he laughed, “I’ve got better things to worry about.” They were all quite surprised by his attitude but loved it anyway, glad that he wasn’t so worried about people’s opinions like he was when they last saw him. They even started giving him some words of encouragement, with Percy, who was cleaning glasses at the time and hadn’t even been facing them, going as far as saying,</p>
<p>“This is why you need to stick wi’ Jane. She’s a good-un.”</p>
<p>Jack could hardly believe he’d been so worried about Mary only minutes earlier. He’d actually only come to the pub to find the leeries to ask if one of them could switch routes with him, so he didn’t have to pass the Banks house every day and risk running into her. But now, that question was the furthest thing from his mind. He’d been doing his route backwards for the past couple of days so he could pass the Banks house before they woke up, but he wasn’t going to worry about it now. So what if Mary showed up! It’s not like he couldn’t handle her. And if she got in a strop with him, like Angus said: tough!</p>
<p>That night, they passed the time with a story. Jack told them all from start to finish what had happened. He thought it would be embarrassing, but they didn’t laugh at him, they laughed at what everyone had expected from him. When he told them about the Edison’s political views, they were in hysterics, doing impressions of Thomas and Edith and just generally mocking their stuffiness. And when Jack told them about his “life story”, they were surprised he came up with something so detailed on the spot and laughed that the Edisons really seemed to think a job like that wasn’t any good.</p>
<p>“You was like a spy!” Joey exclaimed, “they’re there badmouthing labourers and then there’s you they’re complaining to, a leerie. And they ‘ad no idea!”</p>
<p>“You obviously didn’t do as bad a job as ya fink,” Marty said, “‘cos they clearly never figured ya owt.” And when Jack came to the end of his story, he still wasn’t embarrassed like he thought he’d be. All that happened was they wanted to make sure he wasn’t still ill after getting sick, and then they applauded him for bailing.</p>
<p>“That’s wot she deserves!” Freddie had bellowed, as Beck added,</p>
<p>“Serves ‘er right for tryna to change you!”</p>
<p>“Honestly,” Marty had said, “I really expected better from ‘er. It’s a good fing this happened, really, you finally got to see ‘er for what she really is.”</p>
<p>They loved to hear how the other half lived, but once they knew, most of them were glad they didn’t have such a high status. Not a single one of them was particularly fond of having to listen to people like that all day. And Angus was quick to say that none of them needed to go trying to meet anyone like that now that Jack had met the Edisions.</p>
<p>“Once you’ve seen one old white, barking fascist, you’ve seen ‘em all.”</p>
<p>Finally, they had a chance to just laugh and be together, completely happy in their lives. And Jack was just glad to be there. He was much happier to be in the tiny pub that was crammed to its maximum capacity, than a stuffy restaurant filled with strangers. This was so much better and so much more like home. He could actually be himself and not a single person would look at him funny for doing it. He knew these people and they knew him and they were as close with each other as a family. Yet the Edisons tried to say you should only look out for yourself. Rubbish. Who’d want to miss out on this? He was so glad to have people to turn to and wouldn’t give them up for all the money in the world. They were right. So what if Mary wanted him to change? That was her own problem! She could get a new friend. He’d be much better off that way. So without a care in the world, he carried on laughing and joking and smiling with the people he loved the most.</p>
<p>This was home.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. Reignite</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Everyone has their roles. We are moulded and shaped to create a role that we carry out every day. There’s a lot of reasons why a person may develop them: personality, talents, jobs, or even society itself. But whatever the case, they come about for a reason. And it can be hard for a person to get other people to change their perceptions of them. But it’s impossible if someone else forces them to change.</p>
<p>Mary wished she’d thought of that sooner. But for some reason, the idea that Jack was acting differently just to please her, didn’t even cross her mind. For some reason she really believed he was different to what she’d known. She must’ve been having a turtle day to make such a thick-headed mistake.</p>
<p>But somehow, it was only when she took him to see the Edisons, that she finally understood. There was a fearful look in his eyes that only she seemed to notice. He tried to speak differently, move differently, behave differently. And the whole thing just seemed so bizarre. She had tried to ignore it, but felt her soul be crushed when he had to make up a new life story to appease Thomas and Edith. And everything they said to him seemed so derogatory, even if they were saying something nice.</p>
<p>She noticed him tapping his foot, how we was overwhelmed by everything, and the way his face fell when they insulted his career. He’d tried so hard to impress her, but she’d thrown a spanner in the works for him, and made the night more stressful than it already was for him. She had almost ran after him when he retreated to the bathroom, looking so pale. And even though she had said she was confident he’d be back, even then, she knew he wasn’t coming back from the moment he had stood up. But even so, she hadn’t wanted to believe it, and when the news was finally broken, it hit her like a ton of bricks.</p>
<p>She was half tempted to leave as soon as she’d heard and go out to find him. But she was sure she’d be the last person he’d want to see at that moment. So she had stayed put and let herself be subjected to Edith and Thomas going on about how they knew he was trouble. It was what she deserved. She knew the Edisons were lovely in small doses, but she seriously regretted letting them come along on something that must have been so important to Jack. She took away any control he could’ve had over the situation and made it impossible to enjoy the night. It would’ve probably not been so bad if it was just the two of them, and Jack would’ve probably loosened up and reverted to his usual self, which she missed dearly.</p>
<p>She hated that she had said she liked the new him. She’d only said it because she thought it was a genuine part of him and she wanted him to feel better. If she’d realised what was going on sooner, she would have been quick to assure him that he was perfect as he was. But it was too late for that now.</p>
<p>He hadn’t come near her since that night. He’d started switching the lamps on and off at different times than usual, starting his route on Cherry Tree Lane instead of ending it. So he never lingered, and it was often so early that she’d miss him entirely.</p>
<p>Mary wasn’t usually the type of person to worry, but that was because she hadn’t done anything wrong and it was an easily fixable problem. However, not only had she been the cause of everything, she couldn’t even find Jack to talk to him. She was usually great at finding people, but someone like Jack always had a habit of being exactly where he wanted to be, and that place seemed to be far away from her. But that didn’t mean she couldn’t go looking, it just meant she had to wait for an opportunity. And by the time Wednesday rolled around, that very opportunity arrived.</p>
<p>The Banks children had finally gone to sleep early enough that she could have the whole night to herself to go looking. Michael had been sitting downstairs at the time reading a book, and although he looked up when he saw her leave, he decided not to question it. Similar to how Jack always went where he wanted to go, Mary always went where she needed to go. And there was nothing that could be done to stop her. He knew she’d be back when she felt it necessary, but until then, she’d be busy with whatever needed to be busied.</p>
<p>The night was cold. Bone shatteringly so. It was the kind of cold that you wouldn’t feel until you had got far enough from the door, that you wouldn’t be able to retreat in time when it hit. It rammed you in one great big gust and clutched your spine in its spindly grip. Arctic. That’s the word.</p>
<p>Shadows were lapping at her ankles but didn’t dare grasp ahold of her. At least, not yet. It was the same way the raucous howling from who-knows-where refused to come closer, or how even the cold decided to retreat when it realised who she was. But one thing that didn’t leave, was the darkness. The evening veil had concealed her from the rest of the known universe, making it perfect to see without being seen, and even the leeries, who’s realm was the darkness, failed to spot her when she passed.</p>
<p>But infuriatingly, not a single person she came across was Jack. It was always someone else. It was Mr Jones, late home after another night at the bar. It was Little Tommy who had had so much potential before he made those friends. It was Dr Hennings, who’s excellent reputation didn’t hide, from her at least, what he did to his wife. They were all swallowed by the darkness and so was she. But she saw them. And she remained unseen.</p>
<p>London became another world at night. A world full of the most disreputable people the city could offer. A woman of a weaker disposition than her may have fainted at the idea of heading further into the dark, into the deepest and seediest crevices of London’s most dangerous streets. But she was not that kind of woman. She had the rare ability to walk through the roughest areas of this great city and walk out the other side unscathed. Not many had this skill, but Jack did, it came with the job, which is why she was even there in the first place.</p>
<p>If Jack was doing his route backwards, chances were that he’d made it back towards what would usually be the beginning, closest to his own home within those dark corners. But they wouldn’t be dark for much longer. As Mary passed, she saw the lamps he’d already lit, she knew it wouldn’t be long before he’d finished the route and she’d be out of time.</p>
<p>She wished the lights would help her. Mary didn’t know his route perfectly, but she knew it enough that she could figure out which lamps she could ask for aid. If they could just slow him down a bit before he disappeared again. She only needed a minute. They could grant her that surely. Just a minute.</p>
<p>She’d made it to a crossroads when she stopped. There where three directions she could’ve gone, two of them already having been lit up. He could’ve passed by already. They could have been lit by him. But something about the darkness was calling her, urging her to the first lamp that stood dark on the street. And she couldn’t ignore a call that loud.</p>
<p>She quietly stepped closer, seeing a bike and a ladder perched at the side. And then a voice, cutting through the silence from the top of the ladder.</p>
<p>“Aha!” The lamp burst to life, illuminating the face of the one who had just repaired the switch.</p>
<p>“Hello Jack.” The leerie was startled by her sudden greeting, but when his eyes adjusted to look back into the darkness, his smile faded.</p>
<p>“Oh. Uhh- hi.” It was another few moments before he climbed back down from the ladder. Not that he needed to stay up with the lamp any longer, he just wasn’t sure if he dared to come closer. “What are you doing out here?” She sighed,</p>
<p>“I have to talk to you about Friday.”</p>
<p>“Oh yeah, right, Friday, my favourite day of the week.” He joked, desperately trying to derail the conversation before it had even begun. “Though I’d have to say, Saturday comes in a close second for me.” Mary wanted to be irritated, but she couldn’t when she watched him frantically fiddle with the straps of his bike, trying not to drop the ladder before he strapped it in. That same fear from that night had sat itself in his eyes. A suppressed fear that he tried to brush off with rehearsed confidence. Though he was actually trying to be himself this time, which improved his performance. But she could still see through it, she always could.</p>
<p>“Jack, you know exactly what I mean.” She hadn’t intended to sound so snappish, but it was her instinct. She wasn’t used to having to apologise. She was used to control. And that’s what Jack seemed to have known too. He turned to her, all his faux confidence had drained away and left him with nothing more than his urge to run away as fast as he could.</p>
<p>“Look Mary, I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to upset you anymore. But it’s just that- I couldn’t- I just couldn’t do it. I had to get out of there. I’m sorry. I’m so so sorry, I-” Mary raised a finger and Jack’s rambling came to a halt. She was perfectly calm, but that didn’t stop Jack from preparing for her to blow up with him. He should’ve known she’d come looking for him. He should’ve known he wouldn’t really be able to face her. He should’ve known-</p>
<p>“I’m sorry.”</p>
<p>“What?” Mary seemed to have a problem looking at him, as her eyes fell in... shame? Since when had someone like her ever had a need to feel shame? And no matter how hard he tried, he simply couldn’t wrap his head around why she was the one saying sorry.</p>
<p>“You shouldn’t have to apologise. It was my fault.” Jack couldn’t believe what he was hearing, “I tried to change you and it wasn’t right. I was angry at you for something that I really should have been angry at myself for, and then I forced you into an uncomfortable position so that I didn’t have to take responsibility for my own actions. And it was wrong. There’s nothing wrong with who you are. And I would hate to see you change because you felt guilty, even if I tried to tell myself it was good. It’s not. And I can’t lie to myself for such selfish reasons as dodging blame. I’m sorry. I’m honestly glad you had the courage to leave. You shouldn’t have had to be there in the first place. You’re perfectly cast in your own life. I couldn’t imagine you in any other part.”</p>
<p>It probably took longer than it would for the average person to wrap their heads around such an apology. But when it was coming from Mary Poppins, Jack definitely needed the extra time. He’d never actually known her to admit she was wrong. Or to even be wrong, for that matter.</p>
<p>“You really mean that?”</p>
<p>“I do. You shouldn’t change for anyone. Not even me.” He didn’t realise how badly he’d needed her to say that. But when she did, it was like a great weight on his heart, that he hadn’t even noticed was there in the first place, was flung a million miles away from him, and finally, he could breathe again. He could’ve sworn he’d stopped caring, but then again, he’d never found it particularly easy to unattach himself from someone.</p>
<p>He didn’t know what he should say. He’d never been apologised to by someone like her. And the way she looked at him seemed so wrong. She shouldn’t be so ashamed. It didn’t suit her. It was his instinct to wrap his arms around her and let her know everything was alright, and that was exactly what he did.</p>
<p>“You forgive me? But I know I upset you. Aren’t you angry?” He chuckled slightly at her tense frame as she tried to look at him for a semblance of anger, but she struggled in the arms of his hug.</p>
<p>“I take it you don’t have to say sorry very often? Sometimes it’s all you need to do. I’m not angry at you. I actually thought you were going to be mad at me. But if you’d like, I’d be more than happy to start over.” There was a muffled sound, and it took him way too long to realise Mary was crying. He’d never seen anything like it before. But it was definitely happening. All her self imposed rules about being prim and proper flew out the window, and she let herself feel overwhelmed. Jack was right. She wasn’t used to this. And she hadn’t expected it to feel like that.</p>
<p>“I’d like that.” When she looked up at him, her smile was purely one of relief. They were ok. And nothing else could have made her feel any better than that. “I’d like that very much.”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Hope you enjoyed that. New fic starts next Saturday!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
</body>
</html>